I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
