im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
