wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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