Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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