i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
These tits shall not be calmed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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