so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think your dad took our porno
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
