Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
