I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize