Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize