if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
