Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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