3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
