that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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