The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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