I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
