Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he thought i was a dude.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
