mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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