Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
