when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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