nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
