cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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