I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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