nut hugger
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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