Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize