i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
