your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize