She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
