what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
