I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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