when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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