Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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