3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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