3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
