addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
