Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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