I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
