I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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