So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
