I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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