Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
