My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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