I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
