Someone shit on the floor
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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