nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
