Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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