I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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