just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
