So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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