What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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