the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
