Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
