we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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