So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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