Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
