Everything about him screamed your future.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
