i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you would pick up someone in the library
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
