im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
