tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
