There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how drunk are you?
Several
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
