my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
