Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
