on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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