i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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