Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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