that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize