Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
