well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
