You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
