Welp...herpes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
