Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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