im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
