I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
