dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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