if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
