My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
