my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
