why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize