Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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