Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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