I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
