i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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