jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
