i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
