I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
