I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
