I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
