We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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