this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
