how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
