He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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